News Article #50
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Woman Auctions Her Virginity
In today's news, a beautiful girl announced that she would like to auction her virginity. From a business perspective, this is actually a really smart move on her part. Not only is she increasing her worth by marketing
herself as unused goods, but she is also a true entrepreneur! You do realize, this means that she planned her whole life around this moment, sacrificed having lots of sex, just to become a whore with a huge value added! She says she plans to net one million dollars from this auction.
Now, upon hearing about this auction I called up a few friends of mine. I said "Hey guys, let's get some money together, and invest in taking this girl's virginity."
In all seriousness, this auction is extremely garbarrassing on multiple levels for all who want to participate.
First of all, who wants to pay that much money for a girl with NO EXPERIENCE?!?!? For that money, a man could probably hire a much prettier and more experienced woman (or 2 or 3) to have sex with him every day for a year.
Due to the lack of experience, this girl better be the queen of sucking dick.
Why do I say she's gonna need to suck dick when she's aucitoning sex? Well, SHE IS A VIRGIN! The fact is, the person who wins this auction has probably never taken anyone's virginity before. If he did, he would realize that maybe, he could pay less money to not have shitty sex.
After all, everyone who has half a brain knows that a girl's first time is usually her worst. The sex won't last long, but the guy will be regretting it for years to come.
OH, it get's better. The girl also said this: "Through this process I'm not just looking for the highest bidder," adding, "I'm looking for someone who is a genuine, overall nice person."
I think by "genuinely nice person," she meant to say "someone with billions of dollars." How dare she have the audacity to say she's looking for a nice guy! At one million dollars a cherry popping, she's not fooling anybody!
The bottom line is, this girl is offering bad sex for one million dollars. The sad thing is, someone will take the bait. Yet another reason why this world is so completely and utterly garbarrassing.