Garbarrassing People
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03-17-08
Barry Bonds is the greatest baseball player ever. That is, the greatest baseball player to turn into an embarrassing piece of garbage. We can all agree that athletes should not even go on the stand in the first place because they are dumb enough to blatantly lie, but still... are you kidding Barry? Your head is the size of a small SUV. Fans are not that oblivious. Now that he has broken the home run record - and immediately gotten fired from his team - he is nothing but a massive, juiced-up joke. How GARBARRASSING.
So we wonder - if Jessica Simpson has ALL the looks but none of the brains, then shouldn't Ashlee be the smart one? Absolutely Not. Ashlee Simpson's "live" performance on Saturday Night Live brought true improv comedy back to the show when she was blatantly caught lip-synching her song. This embarrassment led her to expose the fact that she's extremely garbage when she attempted to lie and claim that lip-synching was a one time thing. Does this remind anyone else of Sammy Sosa and his "one-time" corked bats? Bottom line: If your older sibling is mediocre at singing and god-awful at acting, you SHOULD NOT leech off that fame. Bc you will be GARBARRASSING.
John Madden has become an integral part of Sunday Night Football. Some genius at NBC hired him to make sure that all viewers from the categories "Completely Fucking Retarded" to "Vegetable" know whats going on during the game. John's insightful, thought-out commentary is easily Emmy material. Direct Quote: "Hey, the offensive linemen are the biggest guys on the field. They're bigger than everybody else, and that's what makes them the biggest guys on the field." Now isn't that the smartest thing you've ever fucking heard? Lets face it, John Madden is 350 pounds of straight GARBARRASSMENT.
On behalf of the entire staff at Garbo.com and jokesters all over the world, we would like to offer Lance Bass our thanks and a high five. His coming out of the closet was a momentous occasion. It opened the door for people talking about 'Nsync to ask, "Which one is the gay one again?" which is quite possibly the easiest Gimme in all of comedy. What amazes us is how flamingly-not-straight you have to be to look at your thousands of female fans screaming your name and ripping their shirts off, and decide you want some dick in your mouth. GARBARRASSING.
Why would someone deny an act that was not just caught on video, but was blatantly and purposely filmed? This question cannot be answered reasonably, unless you're severely brain damaged. Also, anyone who finds some kind of sexual satisfaction from peeing on someone else is, well, very GARBARRASSING.
AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHahahahahahahahahahah ahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhaha aaaaahahahahahaha!!!!!! Rosie O'Donnell, you're such a joke.
Do people actually believe in scientology? Tom Cruise confirms that yes, they do. It is astounding how a movie star of his calibre can pull such an extreme 180. It used to be that the only thing he didn't have going for him was his lower-than-average stature (we're talking under 5 feet here, uncomfortably short, I mean you would be really, truly, very surprised). Now he's got some "honorable" status in the "church" of scientology, a nationally telivised stint as a crazy-person, and the same dwarfish build that is so wonderfully hidden by cameras. He has shamed not just our society, but the entire human race. GARBARRASSING.
Guys who drive new VW Beetles. We do not mean hippies who drive classic VW beetles. We mean Guys who drive new VW beetles. You know those cars that come with a flower-holder and a fake flower? Granted, nothing will ever match the 1990's Mazda Miata convertible. But its close. Close enough to be just absolutely fucking compltely GARBARRASSING.
We thought we had seen it all. That was before Applebees elected Wanda Sykes as their new spokesperson. Now it would be actually quite hilarious that Applebee's elected not to show Wanda, but rather to portray her as a piece of Talking Fruit. Would be, if her voice weren't so goddamn hanus. It's possible that she is funny - unfortunately, all that comes out of her mouth is the screetching of nails on a chalkboard. Upon watching one of Wanda's TV acts, one staffmember of Garbo.com actually attempted to blow out her own eardrums, with a handgun. The entire affair was indeed GARBARRASSING.
How this guy got his own TV show is just unfathomable. We took a vote, and the fact that people actually allow Geraldo Rivera to report their news is extremely depressing to the entire garbarr.com staff - except our mildly-retarded janitor. This was not the first unanimous vote he has prevented. But back to Geraldo. This asshole interviewed Michael Jackson (THE FACE of garbarr.com) during his 2005 trial, and then publicly stated on television that he believed Michael was innocent. Not only that, he announced that if Michael was found guilty, he would shave off his moustache. We all prayed, but the trial ended and MJ was acquitted...and Geraldo went back on TV and rubbed his "call" in our faces. Son of a bitch.
Barry Bonds is the greatest baseball player ever. That is, the greatest baseball player to turn into an embarrassing piece of garbage. We can all agree that athletes should not even go on the stand in the first place because they are dumb enough to blatantly lie, but still... are you kidding Barry? Your head is the size of a small SUV. Fans are not that oblivious. Now that he has broken the home run record - and immediately gotten fired from his team - he is nothing but a massive, juiced-up joke. How GARBARRASSING.
So we wonder - if Jessica Simpson has ALL the looks but none of the brains, then shouldn't Ashlee be the smart one? Absolutely Not. Ashlee Simpson's "live" performance on Saturday Night Live brought true improv comedy back to the show when she was blatantly caught lip-synching her song. This embarrassment led her to expose the fact that she's extremely garbage when she attempted to lie and claim that lip-synching was a one time thing. Does this remind anyone else of Sammy Sosa and his "one-time" corked bats? Bottom line: If your older sibling is mediocre at singing and god-awful at acting, you SHOULD NOT leech off that fame. Bc you will be GARBARRASSING.
John Madden has become an integral part of Sunday Night Football. Some genius at NBC hired him to make sure that all viewers from the categories "Completely Fucking Retarded" to "Vegetable" know whats going on during the game. John's insightful, thought-out commentary is easily Emmy material. Direct Quote: "Hey, the offensive linemen are the biggest guys on the field. They're bigger than everybody else, and that's what makes them the biggest guys on the field." Now isn't that the smartest thing you've ever fucking heard? Lets face it, John Madden is 350 pounds of straight GARBARRASSMENT.
On behalf of the entire staff at Garbo.com and jokesters all over the world, we would like to offer Lance Bass our thanks and a high five. His coming out of the closet was a momentous occasion. It opened the door for people talking about 'Nsync to ask, "Which one is the gay one again?" which is quite possibly the easiest Gimme in all of comedy. What amazes us is how flamingly-not-straight you have to be to look at your thousands of female fans screaming your name and ripping their shirts off, and decide you want some dick in your mouth. GARBARRASSING.
Why would someone deny an act that was not just caught on video, but was blatantly and purposely filmed? This question cannot be answered reasonably, unless you're severely brain damaged. Also, anyone who finds some kind of sexual satisfaction from peeing on someone else is, well, very GARBARRASSING.
AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHahahahahahahahahahah ahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhaha aaaaahahahahahaha!!!!!! Rosie O'Donnell, you're such a joke.
Do people actually believe in scientology? Tom Cruise confirms that yes, they do. It is astounding how a movie star of his calibre can pull such an extreme 180. It used to be that the only thing he didn't have going for him was his lower-than-average stature (we're talking under 5 feet here, uncomfortably short, I mean you would be really, truly, very surprised). Now he's got some "honorable" status in the "church" of scientology, a nationally telivised stint as a crazy-person, and the same dwarfish build that is so wonderfully hidden by cameras. He has shamed not just our society, but the entire human race. GARBARRASSING.
Guys who drive new VW Beetles. We do not mean hippies who drive classic VW beetles. We mean Guys who drive new VW beetles. You know those cars that come with a flower-holder and a fake flower? Granted, nothing will ever match the 1990's Mazda Miata convertible. But its close. Close enough to be just absolutely fucking compltely GARBARRASSING.
We thought we had seen it all. That was before Applebees elected Wanda Sykes as their new spokesperson. Now it would be actually quite hilarious that Applebee's elected not to show Wanda, but rather to portray her as a piece of Talking Fruit. Would be, if her voice weren't so goddamn hanus. It's possible that she is funny - unfortunately, all that comes out of her mouth is the screetching of nails on a chalkboard. Upon watching one of Wanda's TV acts, one staffmember of Garbo.com actually attempted to blow out her own eardrums, with a handgun. The entire affair was indeed GARBARRASSING.
How this guy got his own TV show is just unfathomable. We took a vote, and the fact that people actually allow Geraldo Rivera to report their news is extremely depressing to the entire garbarr.com staff - except our mildly-retarded janitor. This was not the first unanimous vote he has prevented. But back to Geraldo. This asshole interviewed Michael Jackson (THE FACE of garbarr.com) during his 2005 trial, and then publicly stated on television that he believed Michael was innocent. Not only that, he announced that if Michael was found guilty, he would shave off his moustache. We all prayed, but the trial ended and MJ was acquitted...and Geraldo went back on TV and rubbed his "call" in our faces. Son of a bitch.
Comments (1)
Great page but...
Great or should I say, really crappy people. However, usually Nick Nolte is always on these lists. So are some other undesirables such as: anyone on American Idol (especially Clay Aiken), anyone who goes on Jerry Springer and is "surprised" that their significant other is involved in a 4-way with a midget and a transsexual, and lastly no list is complete without mentioning your loveable employee at McDonald's or BK, because seriously, I ordered that burger without onions for the 58th fucking time!!!
#1 - KingCrab - 03/17/2008 - 18:03
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